


Not at the expense of ourselves

by Scout125



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29668527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scout125/pseuds/Scout125
Summary: The house came down, Eddie screamed for Buck, because of cause he had gone back into the fully engulfed house against Bobby's orders … again.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 4
Kudos: 94





	Not at the expense of ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written whilst waiting for my car to be serviced. No Beta ...... as they say we die like men (well hopefully not, but you never know)
> 
> Hope that you enjoy this and feel free to leave me a comment on what I can do better. And leave a kudos if ya wanna as well
> 
> Happy reading

The house came down, Eddie screamed for Buck, because of course he had gone back into the fully engulfed house against Bobby's orders … again.

“What the hell Buck” Eddie Yelled

“What” Buck looks at him with a small tilt to his head and a shrug.

Eddie just stared in shock as the younger man walked off. He couldn't believe how irresponsible Buck could be, OK hang on, yes he can.

Once Eddie had come to his senses he took off after Buck, when he got within reach of the other man he grabbed his arm and spun him around to face him.

“Eddie, what the fuck” Buck yelled as he yanked his arm free from the tight grip of his best friend.

“How could you have been that reckless, Buck” Eddie Yelled “That whole thing was about to come down on top of you”

“But it didn’t and I got out safe and sound” Buck said angrily. “And I save that woman, isn't that what we do Eddie”? Buck asked

“Yes, Buck it is what we do, but not at the expense of ourselves” Eddie sighed “Bobby said not to go in, Buck. You disobeyed an order, again”

Buck just shrugged

Eddie was so tired of trying to keep Buck from killing himself, he knows how much this job means to him and that he fought so hard to get back to it and them, his family after everything that had happened to him, Eddie couldn’t fathom why Buck thought that he was indispensable and replaceable, when was he going to get it through his thick head that he is needed and loved by so many people. 

Eddie just didn't know if he could do it much longer. If Buck didn't care about his life anymore then why should Eddie. But he knows this isn't true, he loves Buck with everything he has.

“Diaz, Buckley lets go, we need to clean up then head back to the station” They heard Bobby yell over the noise.

With everything stowed Buck was about to climb into the truck when Bobby’s hand landed on his Shoulder. “My office when we get back” He said leaving no room for argument. Buck nodded once in confirming that he heard.

The whole way back no one talked except Buck, but after about 10 minutes he realized that no one was really listening to him, so he leaned back and closed his eyes.

Buck got out of the truck and was heading towards the locker room when he heard Bobby shout “Buckley, office, NOW”. Buck took a deep breath and followed Bobby to his office.

“Shut the door, Buck,” Bobby said as Buck walked in behind him. “Do not sit down, stand at attention, Firefighter Buckley” Bobby said as Buck went to make himself comfortable and immediately stood at attention. He knew he was in serious trouble because Bobby never asked them to stand at attention.

“Buck, you disobeyed my orders, again. You put your team at risk, again. I have no other alternative but to suspend you for insubordination” Bobby says with a stern look.

“Bob….” Buck started to say but Bobby held up his hand and stopped any more words from him.

“Buck, you fought so hard to prove to me, to all of us that you were ready to come back, and that you were serious about it. When you first came back you were, but it seems as though you have fallen back into the same defiant rut that you were in before the accident” Bobby paused as he watched the realization dawn on Buck’s face.

“I can no longer have someone on my team who continuously disobeys my orders and disregards the safety of the entire team” Bobby states. 

Bobby took a deep breath and stood up from his desk “As of this moment you are on one week suspension. You are not to step foot into this station until that time is up. You may contact the other members of the team if you wish and you must understand and be prepared if they do not want to talk to you” Bobby states. “Whilst on this suspension I want you to think about why you really want to be a firefighter, what is the reason and why when you come back should I allow you to remain here at the 118”  
Buck is so stunned that all he can do is stare and nod.

“Do you understand what I have said Firefighter Buckley” Bobby asks

“Y..Yes sir” Buck stuttered

“Dismissed” was Bobby's final word as he sat back down at his desk.

Buck was in a haze as he walked back down to the locker room to shower and change. He didn’t notice the looks he was getting from the rest of his team. 

“What do you think happened up there”? Chim asked nodding in the direction of Bobby's office

“Have no idea but I'm guessing that it has something to do with him putting all of us in danger… again” Eddie says with a little bit of anger. 

“Yeah he has a habit of doing that our Buckeroo” Hen says

“Well he needs to fucking stop” Eddie said angrily as he got up to pace “He needs to stop trying to be a fucking hero. He needs to realize that we want him to come home in once fucking piece and not injured or in fucking hospital”  
“What the hell am I supposed to tell Chris if something happens to Buck, it was bad enough explaining about his mom and that was an accident, it was out of everyone's hands, he was upset about that but he didn’t really know her.” Eddie sighs as he runs his hand through his hair. “But, Buck. I can’t go home and tell that little boy that the man he considers his other dad is dead because of some hero complex he had. I can't lose him, I love him so much” Eddie hadn’t realized that he was crying. Hen had come over and hugged him “It’s gonna be OK Eddie” she said has she let him cry on her shoulder.

“Thanks Hen” he said with a sniff

They were all focused on Eddie and what he was saying that they didn’t see Buck standing just outside the door to the locker room. He had come out of the locker room just as Eddie said that he needs to stop trying to be a fucking hero. Buck didn’t want to stick around for the rest of that speech, so with tears in his eyes and his heart breaking at the words of his “best friend” he turned on his heel and left the station.

Buck drove home with tears streaming down his face, he kept wiping them away, they still fell. Not only had he been suspended but he had also lost the respect of all of his team, his family. A family that he had fought so long and so hard to be back to and now he lost it all again. What was he going to do?

He collapsed onto the couch and cried himself to sleep and to hell with what his father has always said that men don’t cry. He cried and he cried hard.

He must have fallen asleep because when he woke up it was pitch black in his apartment, even with the curtains open. The sky was as dark as his mood, the sleep did nothing to alleviate how he feels and he feels like shit. He was so immersed in his own head that he didn’t hear his front door open and close.

“Buck” Eddie said when he saw him sitting on the couch.

“What do you want, Eddie?” Buck asked, getting up and going to the kitchen where he opened the fridge and realized he didn't have any beer. He grabbed his keys and wallet. 

“Buck, where are you going?” Eddie asked

“Don’t be here when I get back” was all Buck said before slamming the door closed leaving Eddie staring at the place where Buck was. 

“What the fuck was that” he said to himself. If Buck thinks I’m going anywhere he has another thing coming. So he sat on the coach and waited. But when Buck didn’t come back after three hours he knew that Buck wouldn’t return while he was still there and Eddie knew he had to leave to get Christopher from his abuela's house, sighing he got up and left, making sure to lock the door on the way out.

Eddie didn’t notice that Buck’s Jeep was parked across the road. Buck had sat there and watched and waited till Eddie left, hours later he saw Eddie walking to his truck with his head down and shoulders slumped. He was not in the mood for a lecture right now. 

Once he knew for sure that Eddie was gone, he parked his Jeep back in his spot and went inside.

He drank the six pack then started on the bottle of Bourbon he had bought, it was the biggest one they had. He already had a buzz from the beer but he wanted to get to the point where he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

Bobby had informed the team what had happened in regards to Buck. He had told them that he hopes that this suspension will help Buck realize that he is not expendable and or replaceable. He asked for everyone to give him some space and time to think about it.

After the second day when they hadn’t heard anything from him everyone started to get worried about him, but he just ignored all the calls, text messages and the knocks on the door. He didn't even talk to Maddie. In the end he just turned off his phone.  
On the third day of his alcohol induced bender Buck was woken up by a slither of bright sunlight that had found a way through his closed curtains. He blinked rapidly trying to adjust to the light, he sat up and groaned, he clutched his stomach and put a hand over his mouth to help stop the vomit he knew was coming, but it was in vain as the contents of last night's drinking session surged up and out onto his floor. He staggered up but then collapsed to the floor on his heads and knees dry reaching as the stench reached his nose.

“Fuck” he complained as his chest started to hurt from the effort.

He fought his way to the kitchen to get something to clean up the mess, once he was done he went and showered and fell into bed, he didn't bother to put anything on as he didn't think anyone would be around. How wrong was he?.  
He woke to the smell of something amazing, but he could also smell bleach, this made his stomach turn and he raced back into the bathroom and tried to vomit up what was still in his stomach, there wasn't much just some more alcohol and bile.  
“Buck, are you OK in there” he heard Eddie say.

“What are you doing here Eddie” he asked, wiping his mouth. He grabbed his toothbrush, he brushed his teeth three times and when he was satisfied he opened the door to a very worried looking Eddie.  
“What do you want Eddie, not really in the mood for a lecture right now” Buck quietly said.

“Not here to lecture you Buck, just here because we are worried about you. Bobby told the team what happened” Eddie Answered 

“OK so not here to Lecture, maybe to gloat and say I told you so” Buck said with more venom then he intended

“Nope not gonna say that either, but i will say we are going to have a conversation about this later, but not today, when your ready” Eddie said with a small smile 

“Come down stairs and have something to eat. Abuela and Chris made us all a mean looking breakfast” Eddie smiled

“Why?”

“Why what?” Eddie said with a raised eyebrow

“Why are you all here and why aren't you yelling at me and just why?” Buck asked

“Because we all love you, Buck. And we are here for you” Eddie replied

“Nieto and our Buck come down here and eat before is gets cold” Abuela shouted up the stairs and they heard Chris laugh at that “Yeah come on Dads, come and eat it’s really good”

Bucks eyes went wide at what Chris said “What did he call me” he asked Eddie in shock with eyes glistening

“He called you dad, Buck.” Eddie answered as he moved in closer to the young man in front of him “Chris thinks of you as his other dad and so do I. We have been co-parenting him for years now, didn’t you know that?”

Buck just shook his head as the tears ran down his cheeks. “Well we have and I am so grateful to have you in my life Buck, you frustrate the hell out of me, but you give with all of your heart and you are fiercely protective of Christopher, you are always putting everyone else's happiness before your own and I love you for that Buck” Eddie told him

“You love me?” Buck whispers 

“Yes, you idiota, you and Chris are my heart” Eddie answers as he moves in slowly to give Buck time to move away if he needs to, but he didn’t have to worry about that as Buck closed the distance between them.

The kiss was magical as they both poured into it the love they have for each other, when they pulled apart they rested their foreheads together 

“I love you too Eddie” Buck says as he goes in for another kiss “And I will talk about this with everyone soon, but not today as my favorite Diaz's are in the kitchen waiting for me”

“Hey…” Eddie protested with a smile as he followed Buck down the stairs to the dining room

“Bucky” Chris yelled and threw himself at Bucks legs.

“Hey Superman, Hello Mrs Diaz” 

“Now, now our Buck you know better than that, you call me Abuela” she said with a finger pointing at Buck

“Sorry, hello abuela and thanks for making breakfast” Buck said and gave her a kiss on the cheek

“Now you and Chris sit. Eddie help me in the kitchen”

Eddie smiled at Buck and Chris as he stood there and listened to Chris tell Buck about what he has missed, he kissed both of them on the top of their heads and went into the kitchen to help his abuela “I am so proud of you nieto and I am so glad that you finally told our Buck how you feel, the three of you will be very happy from now on” she said and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you Abuela” he said back

“Now let's go and eat with the rest of our family” Abuela said and ushered Eddie out of the kitchen.

Buck apologized to everybody especially Bobby. Bobby agreed to let Buck stay with the 118. They were a family again and things had definitely changed for Buck and Eddie during that week and he realized that he wouldn't change it for the world.


End file.
